whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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