How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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