If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
