I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
