Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
