So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize