So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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