I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
