she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
