Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
