Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
