ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
