I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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