His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I AM VODKA MAN
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
