I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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