I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I met the friendliest cop last night
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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