proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
