he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
