Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Buhtt sex?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
