You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
