Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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