I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
