i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
high people should be assigned attendants
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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