eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
