his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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