she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
