This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
