So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
