Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
