Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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