We named our party play list daddy issues
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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