Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize