Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
