I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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