The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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