remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
