My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Screwed.edu
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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