my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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