Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize