i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she smelled like a LAN party
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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