He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
