I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
