The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
