I faked an abortion last night.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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