apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
