If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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