Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
