Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
