I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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