are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize