what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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