i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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