I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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