I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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