Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My feet surprised me
Randomize
