he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
