no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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