Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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