Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize