how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
