There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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