Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
