I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize