so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
