ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
