I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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