So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
