He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
