What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
