Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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